Just been listening to a bit of music, the way I always do when I'm feeling low, and then these words appeared…
'She got the call today, one out of the grey
And when the smoke cleared, it took her breath away
She said she didn’t believe "it could happen to me"
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees'
Wow. Captured my mood in a second. It's incredible how a tune, or just the right words can do that. They somehow grab your attention and scramble your thoughts and refuse to get out of your head. So that's what's on my mind right now.
I had the phone call. I guess everyone's had one like that. But everyone seems to think that their phone call is the end of the world. For me, yeah I guess it was warning me of the end, and I was on my knees for quite a while. But then I stood up and decided that life isn't going to wait for me. To go crazy with the quotes today…
'Too many people die with their music still in them, too often because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it… time runs out.'
So that's what I've been doing. I've stopped getting ready and now I'm really living. If I have to put the rest of my life into a few short years, or maybe even less, then hell, I'm gonna do it with style!!
So in the last few weeks, I have been…. Skating like a fury monster, no more fears about big hills or going too fast, now nothing is too fast! Swimming in the freezing sea and then letting my body heat up under the hot summer sun. Dancing all night in pretty dresses and shoes that make me tall. Living for the nights I forget and the friends I never will. Munching at bbq after bbq after endless bbq while snuggling up in a sleeping bag against the wind. Running, trying to catch the lightening. And then pushing my bed to the window and curling up under the duvet, warming up and watching the thunderstorm.
And, here's the shocker… Falling in love. Snuggling with a boy who understands me completely. Kissing till it makes my toes curl. Dying a little bit inside every time he walks away. Smiling when I think of him. Smiling when I look at him. Smiling when he rolls his eyes at me, and when he laughs at the silly things I say, and when he looks at me like I am the most important thing in his world.
Smiling. Just smiling.